Humor

Consumer Choice, Any Color You Like
SBP Editor
Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Thanks to a robust free market economy, Americans enjoy a wide selection of competing products to choose from in the marketplace. Here, an American consumer carefully weighs her choices.

(Yes, it's a real pic, taken with my cellphone camera at a rest stop off I-95. And no, there weren't any other vending machines in this entire rest stop. There was a McDonald's, a pizza booth, and a gift shop, but they all sold only Coca-Cola products too.)

Cockroaches Lack Self Confidence
SBP Editor
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Maybe what makes cockroaches so repulsive is that they scurry away? I've only ever seen them frantically running away from me, like tiny O.J. Simpsons with guilty consciences! So naturally I feel they've probably done something wrong and I'm repulsed.

Everyone knows it's more attractive when people have a certain confidence to stand their ground, while there's something distinctly uncomfortable about being around people who are themselves not confident about their own worth.
Hillary's New Plan
SBP Editor
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
This just in, exclusive to strangeblueplanet news:
Sensing that the tide may be turning, Hillary Clinton has begun to make quiet overtures signaling her willingness to accept the number two spot on an Obama-Clinton ticket. According to sources close to her, she has already started to retool her campaign in preparation for securing that spot, or for the possibility of being offered a high-ranking cabinet post such as secretary of state or even a newly created internal post.
Penny Wars
SBP Editor
Friday, May 9, 2008
I'm engaged in a penny war. It's a battle between myself and every merchant I encounter: who can push their pennies onto the other. I come in peace, but merchants who choose to wage this war by charging prices that don't end in 5 or 0 must be prepared for battle.

I carry a flotilla of pennies in my left back pocket, ready to charge into the next defenseless merchant's hands. "$1.38 you say? Great, I have exact change! Here you go!" and in march the cavalry.
Broadway Tomato Gun
SBP Editor
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I have a brilliant idea (well, a gimmick really) for a new Broadway show: everyone in the audience gets handed a tomato launcher and 4 tomatoes at the start of the show. Then it works sort of like the old "Gong Show": if at any point during the show you're bored or you see something you don't like or the script gets a little weak, you boo and fire a tomato at the actor.
Stating the Obvious: Soccer Sucks
SBP Editor
Monday, October 29, 2007
Soccer really sucks. Here's why:

Penalty kicks? What the hell, how many matches in the world cup this year were decided on penalty kicks? Not only were many contenders along the way eliminated through penalty kicks, but the final match itself for the world championship was decided through penalty kicks! You might as well just flip a coin! It's almost totally random who wins at that point.
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